


Emotions are a Curse - Dec 28, 2020

by Inky_moro



Series: Anno Uno Scribere [45]
Category: Original Work, Unus Annus - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:54:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28396497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inky_moro/pseuds/Inky_moro
Summary: Based On: Emotional Pain vs Physical Pain... Which is Worse--Basically, I am a pessimist who needs to see a therapist
Series: Anno Uno Scribere [45]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2016157
Comments: 4
Kudos: 2





	Emotions are a Curse - Dec 28, 2020

Emotions are funky  
Sometimes it occurs to me that I should probably be upset or happy or react in a certain way to something but I can’t, and sometimes I cry or laugh or yell for what feels like no reason. 

I couldn’t cry at my great grandmother’s funeral. I just sort of stared at her lifeless body at the showing. I just stared, and stared, and stared, and walked around, and talked to people, and stared some more. Then we left.  
It’s possible I cried later, maybe I was still in shock at the showing or whatever, I don’t know.

My cat went missing once- and she never came back so we presume that she was killed by coyotes or some other wild animal out in the park. I never really mourned properly- I think I repress a lot of emotions.   
Later- a lot later- I found a video of my cat that I had taken and I just started sobbing. I believe it finally sort of hit me that she was really gone.

I don’t remember much about my grandmother’s death. I know it happened, and that’s about it. Even though it was after my great-grandmother’s funeral. I think she died of a heart attack. I don’t remember exactly. I know we visited her side of the family after she died, I don’t recall what happened there. 

I had a nightmare once where one of my best friends died. I don’t know if anything else happened, if it did I do not recall it. That was a truly horrible experience. I want to cry just recalling it. (The desire to cry could also be because of some sort of hormone imbalance, which happens far too frequently for me as far as I’m concerned) I woke up crying- which has happened pretty much never in my entire history of nightmares. 

I cried a little bit during Avengers Endgame.   
I cried listening to Hadestown’s soundtrack for the first time because I knew how it ended and they were so damn happy-  
I cried listening to The Mad Ones soundtrack because one of the lines mentioned that the protagonist chick didn’t feel alive or was trying to feel alive and that was/is something I can relate to.   
I wanted to cry after finishing The Song of Achilles but ended up having to sob the lyrics to Achilles Come Down after listening to it somewhere around 5 times. 

I’ve cried very early on in my life when I got in trouble before determining that it was embarrassing, stupid, and wouldn’t get me anywhere.   
I’ve cried or teared up in an attempt to get out of certain activities I didn’t wish to attend or participate in.  
I’ve cried when frustrated over school projects in my early and middleish years before also determining that that was a foolish reaction.

I don’t know how often I cry or how often I smile. 

I went through a period where I attempted to be positive about everything by smiling through pain and hardship to generate endorphins and biologically or scientifically or whatever somehow boost my mood.

I really need a therapist ;-;


End file.
